2015 has come and gone and I have to say, good riddance!
While this previous year definitely had a good amount of it's ups-one of my best friends getting married, another wonderful year with my loving boyfriend, turning 26 and going to a casino for the first time-it has also had quite a lot of downs, mostly involving my health and some involving finances, or better yet the lack thereof.
It doesn't help I wasn't able to bring in 2016 the greatest way, either.
I don't want my crappy New Year's Eve to set the tone for the entire year which is why I decided to make this dedications list for myself.
If you remember in years past, I do not do New Year's resolutions. I have not changed my opinion on the subject; I still think if you want to better yourself you should try to do so every single 365 days (366 days this year because 2016 is a leap year) of the year. Which is why instead of resolutions, I have made these 7 dedications to myself.
1. Pamper ME. It's a well known fact that I am a chronic people pleaser. If someone needs something done, I'm there. I go out of my way to do for others and while that's not a bad thing, I take it to the point where I suffer. Same thing with my businesses; I overwork myself to the point of stress and burnout. 2016 will be the year of ME. Getting out more when health allows, hanging with friends more, doing things that I want to do...I miss that.
2. Know my limitations. This one is a hard one as I've been trying to figure out my limitations since I originally got sick in 2004. Each day comes with a new "line drawn in the sand" if you will; one day my pain will be too high so the line is a little bit farther back or another day I might not need my walker to go shopping so the line is relocated somewhere in front of me. I just have to know my body's signs and listen to them.
3. Stop feeling guilty. Two things are inbred in my DNA. Worrying and feeling guilty. I feel guilty about canceling plans. I feel guilty about asking for help. I feel guilty about being sick. I feel guilty about a whole bunch of other things and it has to STOP! My situation is nothing to feel guilty about; I need to remember that and remind myself of it daily when that guilt in one way or another rears its ugly head.
4. Keep trying. Not to be confused with number 6 of this list, keep trying refers to what I want to do. As you may imagine, the day-to-day ups and downs of my health puts a big damper on actually bettering myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Exercising, socializing, meditating, traveling, getting a decent amount of sleep at a decent hour...It's hard trying to better yourself when some days you can't do anything but rest. I just have to keep trying each day and be kind to myself when things don't go the way I plan. This also encompasses different therapies, herbs, and protocols.
5. Embrace the assistance. I'm stubborn with a capital I-can-do-it-myself! Ask my boyfriend, he'll wholeheartedly agree. A lot of the time when I need help or could use help in order to not hurt myself or over do things to the point of setback, I don't want to bother anybody and push myself to do it anyway. One of my dedications this year is to do things when I can, but ask for help when I'm not sure or know I probably shouldn't be doing something. Same goes for the items that work to make my life easier; walker, wheelchair, handicap placard, etc...
6. Keep fighting. Like anybody else who has been sick for a long period of time, I fall into depressions. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and don't want to get out of bed. Some days I go through the motions of living a life but I'm completely apathetic about everything. There are even still times I think about ending it. All these are times I need to kindly let myself be sad or cry then get back up and continue living.
7. Help others. There are so many people that I run in to whether it be online or in real life that are sick with one thing or another. Being chronically ill is universal even if you're diagnosed with different things. Some are veterans and have been doing this for years upon years, but some are completely new to the chronic life. I want to be able to help these people if the opportunity arises even if it's just a friend to talk to. In this life a friend or just having an ear to listen is invaluable.
8. Stop comparing. This one. This one is the hardest for me and it has been since I got sick. I'm a chronically ill driven high-reaching perfectionist that tries to keep up with the pace of my non-sick friends as life goes on and the more I get left behind, the more it hurts. I have to remember everyone has their own unique journey in life; just because I'm not achieving things at the rate of my friends does not mean I'm not good enough. It just means I have a different purpose and timeline to achieve things that I have yet to discover. And that's okay (or so I need to keep telling myself).
What are you going to try to do to better yourself in 2016?
I can't do it all & I gotta learn that's okay: 8 New Year #dedications of a #chronic #Lymie: https://t.co/saM5hUzRJe pic.twitter.com/WuxknyusUG— The Eclectic Element (@TheEclecticE) January 4, 2016