Monday, September 7, 2009

Dear Tom: I Hate Your Guts

Dear Tom,

This letter is being written under extreme duress-Namely, your unwanted and extremely unwelcome visit last night and throughout the day today. I can honestly say that I despise your woman-hating, chauvinistic attitude towards all girls and women between the ages of 12 through 50(although, I'm not discriminating-There are others you 'attack' beyond those ages, too).

I believe I speak on behalf of all women kind when I say if we could put a hit out on you, we most definitely WOULD, and with big smiles on our faces at that. Unfortunately, since we don't know where you are from day to day, it's a little impossible.

Even though I talk big, the truth is I'm scared shitless of you and your 'visits.' I never know if your going to be nice and leave me(somewhat) alone, or if your going to be completely ruthless and internally beat me until I'm a crumpled mass on the bathroom floor.

Thank GOD this visit was an "okay" one-Even though I ended up on the bathroom floor, there was minimal writhing around in pain and no throwing my guts up like usual. For that and ONLY that, I can say thank you.

I mean who's idea was it to give woman excruciating pain and suffering every month?!? Probably a cosmic joke....Just so you know, WE AREN'T LAUGHING! I would love to get a group together and have them kick you in the stomach a few hundred times and see how you fare.

Bets anyone?

I just wanted to write this letter to show you my true feelings about you and your visits. I hate you and I hate them more then I can show and or write in a single letter. Let's just say I hate you with a fiery passion that consumes my soul.

Yeah-That much.

Regrettably, until next month,

P.s. Tell your friend Mr. M that I've seen some of his work and I too dread his visit in, oh, about 30 years or so.

**Note: Tom is not a real person, so those named Tom, this is NOT about you. In this letter, Tom stands for Time Of Month as in a woman's 'time of month.' And Mr. M stands for Menopause if you didn't get that either.**


Hypnotransformations said...

lol! Ditto!

Heathen's Hearth said...

I wholeheartedly support this... and will be ready when ever you get that posse together! :)


Colie said...

This letter is too funny! I so feel your pain.

Dee said...

hilarious! sorry you had such a miserable month, and I feel your pain!

Bonita12 said...

Oh, you had me going for a moment - I wanted to know who the jerk was! I loved it - had to pass onto my co-workers!

clenna said...

This was great - suggest you go on the pill (seasonique) that lets you have a period every 3 months! It's fantastic and is a mild period!