Thursday, July 16, 2009

Health Update Thursday(7/16)

This week has been a tough one for me, just for the sheer fact that everything is so frustrating and endless(or so it seems at this point).

Due to what happened Friday(don't ask-you would just cringe and squirm in your seat if I told you), I really don't want to go back to the hydrogen peroxide treatments. It's not just because of that one thing, either. It's also the fact that the people at the center don't understand what I'm going through, so they keep antagonizing me, telling me I'm not trying hard enough to get better every time I go back, and if they aren't voicing their thoughts out loud, I know they are judging me. Am I being paranoid? And then there is the fact that the treatments are becoming increasingly painful and I have to get stuck every stinking time I get the IV. This all combined puts a whole lot of stress on me and I dread going back each week; Actually, it's more like as the day draws nearer, I start to panic. I just don't know if I can do it anymore, but I would feel guilty if I stop....Any advice?

Tuesday which was my last treatment, was very emotional for me. I was nervous because I didn't know if they were going to get the vein and when they did get the vein(barely), I was scared that it wasn't in like last time-When they 'hit' the vein and started the IV, It burned like hell because it wasn't really in. Sitting throughout the whole thing was truly painful. My arm is still in pain because of it! Then after the whole thing, one of the doctors chewed me out for 'not trying to get better' and 'using the wheelchair when I don't need it' and that hurt. I got in to the car and burst into tears. He did say some things that I agreed 100% with like I needed to exercise more and whatnot, but he doesn't understand that it's going to take more then a week to get back up for me.

I just don't know anymore! It's that damn catch 22 again: Your damned if you do and damned if you don't. If I could only concentrate enough to be able to read and research, I would be able to put 2 and 2 together and figure something out myself. But I can't.

We are going to talk to a naturopath today(the one we went to last month) and were going to ask her opinion on the matter.

As for my mum, she has been having a hell of a time with getting these tests scheduled. No one seems to think they are too important so they haven't gotten back to her until about two days ago *rolls eyes* That's our medical system for you...She goes for her tests tomorrow in the morning before she has to take me to my appt., so I suppose we will see.

On a happier front, I ordered a walker a few weeks ago and finally got it a few days ago. Ever since, I have been standing up for a few minutes at a time trying to build myself back up. It feels good to be up! I forgot how tall I was O.o And you know what-I think I grew!

If you have any words of encouragement, advice, or anything else, I welcome it with open ears and arms! Thanks for listening to my ranting :D

Love and Energies.


Alicia @ boylerpf said...

We're behind you Kayla! Sometimes I think docs say things to get us good and mad to do what they want. Other times, I think they are just not understanding unless they have been through the same thing. Just keep plugging away and it will happen. All things do in their own time!!

Fashion, Philosophy, and Reality said...


Judy said...

Is there anywhere you could swim...It is great exercise and so enjoyable. Water in its self is so healing. When I was was so sick with my Lyme soon as my Iv came out I crawled up the steps to our pool and climbed in. The next day the Iv would go back in and I would wait for 2 more days till it came out and do it again. It just made me feel better and helped get some energy back.
Just a thought....

Live, Love, Laugh, Write! said...

Aww honey! I wish I could just wrap you up in a huge old hug right now! I can understand and imagine the frustration. It's sooo hard! And the doctors push and push, and they've never been there, so what do they understand? All I can say is I think your a very brave and strong person and I know that you'll do your best. Just don't give up and don't beat yourself up for the days that are bad emotionally. You deal with more than most people can imagine and your going to have days where you can't handle it emotionally and that's OK. That's normal. And...can I go slap the doctor for you?